What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

Apart from parable (Song 8:1, Nah 3:5, etc), in reality:

Joel 3

[3] And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of Heaven, and the God of the Earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

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[44] And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

[13] Therefore I will shake the Heavens, and the Earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the LORD of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger.

Song 8

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[5] Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will DISCOVER thy SKIRTS upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame.

Hos 4

[1] O that thou wert as my brother, that SUCKED the breasts of my mother: when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.

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Lk 7

Nah 3

Jesus’ Feet Smooching in Lk 7:44.

Did the Sumerians, Babylonians and, other Mesopotamians create more, influence more and, were more advanced than Egypt?

Jer 8

[14] I will NOT punish your DAUGHTERS when they commit whoredom, nor your SPOUSES when they commit adultery: for themselves are separated with whores, and they sacrifice with harlots: therefore the people that doth not understand shall fall.

[8] And I will SELL your sons and your DAUGHTERS into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall SELL them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the LORD hath spoken it.

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[45] Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to KISS my FEET.

[10] Therefore will I GIVE their WIVES unto others, and their fields to them that shall inherit them: for every one from the least even unto the greatest is given to covetousness, from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely.

Gen 24

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Gen 24:2–3 on “primitive” gesture of touching a loin (under a thigh) for a vow.

[16] Their children also shall be DASHED to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their WIVES ravished.

[15] Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword.

Is it common for girlfriends to have close male friends who are single and not related to them?

Isa 13

[2] And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my THIGH:

[14] And it shall be as the chased roe, and as a sheep that no man taketh up: they shall every man turn to his own people, and flee every one into his own land.

Do you think Lady Gaga and Celine Dion have rehearsed separately for their performance at the Olympics opening ceremony?